Theology

In my theology class my teacher asked me to pick any poem in a book and asked me to read it aloud. From the hundreds of pages in that book only one stuck out.

Where Life Never Ends:
Neverending dream where life never ends –
where people live in perfect harmony
where color is not wrong
where we can walk and sing without laughter of putdowns
where someone greets you with words of joy
where loneliness and inequality become a speck of dirt
in the winds of the past –
But reality must come first.
-Jeff White Bear Claws

It's the middle of the night

I can't sleep...I am currently listening to the song Work by Jimmy Eat World at 2:01am on repeat. It's a verrrryyyy good song.

Here are the lyrics:

If you only once would let me
Only just one time
Then be happy with the consequence
With whatever's gonna happen tonight
Don't think we're not serious
When's it ever not
The love we make is give and it's take
I'm game to play along

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time

oh oh, oh oh oh
oh oh, oh oh oh

All the best DJs are saving
The slowest song for last
When the dance is through
It's me and you
Come on, would it really be so bad?
The things we think might be the same
But I won't fight for more
Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
Count on that for sure

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
Yeah - We still have time

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you
Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You wanna take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
We still have time

oh oh, oh oh oh
oh oh, oh

WWWWWWWHHHYYYYY can't I fall asleep!?!?!?!?!?! UGHHH these past couple days its been hard for me to sleep but i still managed. I think i might just pull an all nighter or something. I'm going to listen to Jimmy Eat World all night probably to see what other songs I like from them....to bad my computer in the basement is broken so i cant update my ipod or make cds :(. I had to resort to Charlene's laptop for now but she's leaving on monday. Once she's gone I wont have the internet and stuff. Alright well I'm bored so I'm just going to post this.....idk why i even wrote it

I wish I was

I wish I was a writer so I can tell people a story and escape from reality

I wish I was a musician so I can give people the feeling that someone understands them

I wish I was an actress so I can bring a character to life

I wish I was a teacher so I can help shape the minds of our future

I wish I was a scientist so I can create something that can help the world

I wish I was a superhero so I can give people a sense of hope and security

I wish I was a neonatal nurse so I can have the relief of knowing that with every new born baby born God is not yet discouraged of us

I wish I was myself so I can show the world that I'm someone special.

'I just want to break you down so badly. I'm gonna make damn sure." - Taking Back Sundayy

You have the NERVE to say you don't like my tone of voice and I better watch what I say....well....

FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Crew

Okay so ive noticed that i bash on the crew a lot but the truth is is that i cant live without them...they may be....hard headed but thats only because we all bring different things to the group and no one wants to admit they're wrong lol. The crew is my family (literally). Without them my world would succumb to a black hole of nothingness...that sounded a little to harsh but hopefully you get the idea. We are a packaged deal. To put it into a weird analogy we are a can of sardines pressed together. I can easily describe each and every one of them in one word. I know they can say the same about me. I hear my friends talk about how close they wish they were with their family like I am to mine. I guess I was lucky enough to be born into a big family that love and respect each other no matter what. Don't get me wrong there can be problems with being so close. For example if 2 members in the crew are fighting with one another it can get awkward. But no matter how big the fight may be it will end as quickly as it started. Aaaallllll right that's enough about the crew I just wanted to make it clear that i dont hate them...I may not particularly like them all the time but i could never hate them :)

secrets

It's growing and growing and growing

I can't help but feel trapped inside

This feeling that's not worth showing

It's always going to be trapped in my mind

I can't believe that it's coming true

For so long I tried to keep it away

These things you see aren't new

It's what I've always wanted to say

I want you to know

That i am gonna show you what's

Deep inside

The symbols and meanings

Are things that's worth seeing

And I wanna show you

What it is I hide

Scribbled Mess

Scribbled mess is life
The twisted lines
The jumbled path
No direction
Two lines crash

What is the word under your scibbled mess
Once the lines become straight and clear
There is a word at the bottom
The secret message to your own life
A single word that makes your own life less complicated

Did you look at the elaborate design
Were you fascinated on how the lines flow together
Wondered if the scribbled mess affected you
How to unscrabble the mess to see what the word under it is
Why is there a scribbled mess in the first place?

The scribbled mess is life
It's your decisions
Your actions
Your words
Your life

Blahhhhhhh I know this is weird bloggin twice in a matter of ....15 minutes but whatever. I'm sooooooo relieved. Well i knew it was all a joke but still it feels great to know that its never going to happen. I guess I was wrong in the beginning. The issue was no laughing matter and I took it seriously and was hurt. They cleared it up for me a couple weeks ago so i dont know why I didnt mention it before. I feel EXTRA stupid though for believing it at first, but after the first couple weeks of not mentioning it to me at all I was slowing getting that maybe it was just a rumor. I didnt want to ask on the spot just in case it wasnt but it was a joke so I feel soooooooo much better now. Not that I was...appalled by the idea but whatever. Anyways to get completely off topic I've been listening to City & Colour and the singer is AMAZING. City & Colour and Wakey!Wakey! are seriously growing on me. but Paramore...even though they're broken up..is still going to be my favorite band of all time...to get uterly off topic...I notice that I type really fast and I'm smiling to myself :) lol alright well im done here

autobiography

I hate writing autobiographies. I had to write it for my formation class and it took me 3 and 1/2 hours to finish. I barely remember what I did last month so how did my teacher expect me to write a 7 page paper on 16 years of life. I did it anyways. I mentioned my blog to. I wonder if she'll read it but i don't really care. I realized I havent added any poems lately so my next post will probably be a poem. I think that I'm going to end this quote with a poem I've read.

The Delight Song of Tsoai-Talee by Scott Momaday

I am a feather on the bright sky
I am the blue horse that runs in the plain
I am the fish that rolls, shining, in the water
I am the shadow that follows a child
I am the evening light, the lustre of meadows
I am an eagle playing with the wind
I am a cluster of bright beads
I am the farthest star
I am the cold of the dawn
I am the roaring of the rain
I am the glitter on the crust of the snow
I am the long track of the moon in a lake
I am a flame of four colors
I am a deer standing away in the dusk
I am a field of sumac and pomme blanche
I am an angle of geese in the winter sky
I am the hunger of a young wolf I
am the whole dream of these things You see,
I am alive, I am alive
I stand in good relation to the Gods
I stand in good relation to the earth
I stand in good relation to everything that is beautiful...
You see, I am alive, I am alive