soft rain

I like it when it rains.
It keeps my mind in check.
Makes me feel sane.
The dripping of the wet drops across my window pane.
The sound is relaxing.
It makes me feel calm.
Knowing all the bad things are being washed along.
The stream the rain leaves,
flowing down my street;
it makes me believe
that it washes away all the wrong
that I've ever done.
Which is why I find the rain...
Relaxing

the pedestal

Claudia do this, Claudia do that. Claudia go to the gym because you're fat.
This is for all the people who I love and I like, and to the one's who couldn't sleep at night.

People expect us to do great things.
They place us on these pedestals.
It's a long way down.
People always want more from you
thinking that you can do it without a doubt.
If you fail to meet their expectations
you're a disappointment.
If you exceed their expectations their proud.
Why can't they just be proud about how hard we tried?
Other than shutting us out, calling us names, and acting like we died.
I feel like I'm taken for granted because I say yes.
But when i don't want to do something they asked they call me names.
There's a lot of things I want to confess.
But when I ask them to do something they say no.
Why can't people show gratitude and act the same?

dear lil' star

Oh bright & independent star
even though you're really far
i can still see you shine.
How i wish that power was mine.
Even though you're all alone
your greatness is forever shown.
How you illuminate the sky
while the world pasts you by.
And when I look up to the sky
and you're not there
I know you can be anywhere.
Giving someone else hope
so the next day they can cope
with all their struggles.
When you leave to have a fresh new start
oh little star just know
you'll always be in my heart.

soooooo today i finally got my permit....FREEDOM!!! The thing is is that no one wants me to drive with them. that's kind of frustrating but whatever. I should learn to not care about things. its so weird how Chris got a B+ on his driving final when i got a B. HE FAILED EVERY TEST WE TOOK AND NOW HE GETS A BETTER GRADE THEN ME! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!!! Oh geez now I'm competing with him. I don't want people to see me as the fat depressing, lame little girl that I am. I want to make more of myself and do something productive. The problem is is that I am so lazy that i make the guy in that in the worlds of warcraft episode in south park looks good. I'M A TOTAL FAILURE!!!!!! I'm basically just going on and on and on about nothing. It's not like anyone's going to read this though. Who would look up my name on google and find this blog and read about how depressing and insecure and lame and a failure I am. I don't know why I'm even writing this. It kind of feels good to get this off my chest though, but if anyone I know reads this I'm totally fucked. I'm going to write a novel, which is probably never going to get published...or finished in that manner. I'm going to write about my life but change the names of people so it seems like a fiction story and not an autobiography. Like come on! Who in the world is going to read an autobiography about me?!?!?!?! i have no life what-so-ever!! "I want to take a permenent nap." I quote this from those depression videos we watch in health. I know it's a serious issue but who really says that and means it. The guy in the video was an actor, what does he know about people's lives? Me on the other hand wants to crawl under a rock and stay there...not so that I would commit suicide or something; just a hiding place. A place to call my own other than my rooom which by the way has no lock so i have no privacy at all. In the movie Guess Who with Ashton Kutcher his fiancee brings him to a place where she goes just to get away from it all and think. I seriously need a place like that. I found one but there is absolutely no way that I'm walking there during the night. HERE WE GO AGAIN!! I sound so depressing... :|. well i'm going to post this right now so that i don't have to rant about anymore things and so it doesn't make me sound like I have a problem. I probably sound like I have ADD or ADHD.....well yea maybe I'll post something tomorrow....or mamybe not...

indiscretion

selfishness consumes us.
ignorance makes us blind.
confusion conquers all and
arrogance condemns the mind.

the challenge defeats the purpose.
the prize has empty meanings.
the hero does it for himself, and
that is the biggest treason.

peace and happiness is all a lie.
the real things are violence and pain.
we all believe in what we want, so
believing in harmony can make us sane.

the rules of survival keeps us alive.
the same rules for most people.
others may have different rules, but
in the end at the same place we're all equals.